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Ferstofus
I will err again, but may my apology be swift and sincere.
My greatest dream is peace on Earth.

Age 30, Male

Brazil

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Writer's Jam entry

Posted by Ferstofus - December 24th, 2023


What Lies Inside


The sun was casting light on gentle snowflakes which fell with joy from the sky

The white celestial abode stood above all, embracing the woods thereby

The pines, unmoving, made company to the lone hunter who trudged by them

Wearing a beige, battered pelt coat and gloves of brown, furry boots, in tandem

The harsh, cold gusts of December assaulted her body with violence

While beating on tree barks that circled her, though they held on with confidence


There was a tensed hemp rope that went straight over her shoulders and to the ground

A carcass was tied with it behind her, being dragged; with each step, a sound

The dead deer weighted on her, forcing her muscles, but her stride was steadfast

The fire inside her heart fueled her arms and legs and her intense holdfast

In the far distance she saw the tall huts of the tribe she was a part of

She thought of the nearing Bountiful Solstice, how the meat would be enough


When she arrived she brought her contribution to the food supplies stockpile

Angeni, she, then kissed and greeted her loving relatives for a while

When she inquired about Elu, her lately ill granddaughter to the folks

They simply brought her to the poor child’s bedstead whilst giving out wistful looks

The sleeping, innocent flower had gotten worse, her forehead burned quite hot

If the high fever would not drop, a somber fate was the group's shared forethought…


Angeni’s outrage was seeping, this could not be Elu’s time yet, surely

The elder dashed to the shaman’s cave, she knew that for rites, it’s too early

She thus consulted with the man, asked what could be possibly done in time

After deep thinking, his uttered solution was one with no paradigm

With The Bones, to summon the ancient spirits of their great ancestors now

And ask for their favor, but she would need to go through a test and a vow


Angeni, grandmother, hunter, at first widened her eyes and paled her skin

Nevertheless, steeled herself and moved onward, for Elu, her precious kin

The shaman, nodding, stood up and made her way for the depths of the cavern

She walked, through darkness reached the Offers’ Pool, The Bones and torches in pattern

With care, The Bones were collected from the outskirts of the opaque waters

Angeni kneeled before them, prepared the next step in her quest for answers


With her reliable knife, she made a long transversal cut on her wrist

Each slow drop painted the stiff objects red under her as she clenched her fist

When their quick rattling began, she took distance and braced her heart for the sight

Mute and uncertain of what could await her, her soul shielded her from fright

The Bones twirled in jerking, thunderous motions until they had gathered close

Forming a skeletal monster with scarlet bright eyes and imposing pose


“...AnGeNi…We KnOw YoUr HoPe…We WaTcH…” - a low, sepulchral voice spoke from it

The woman stood back in silence and paralyzed like a caught night bandit

“...PrOvE yOuR wOrTh…BrInG hErE…tHe GrEaTeSt BoNe…FaIlUrE bEgEtS cRuEl PuNiShMeNt…

...AnD dEcLaRe…ZeAlOuS, UnEnDiNg AtTeMpTs…UnTiL dEaTh!...Or AcCoMpLiShMeNt…”

Angeni’s heart shaked, she was having trouble maintaining her own balance

But answered: “I will bring it! I declare perseverance! On my conscience!”


“...ThE tEsT…aNd ThE vOw…ArE sEaLeD!...” - The macabre thing rumbled, dismantling fast

The Bones returned to the pond’s edge as if a wind placed them where they were last

Angeni breathed for a minute, on the next one she sprinted out of there

Gathering her traps and weapons she went for the greatest bone she’s aware

The tall, phenomenal antlers of a great moose were found in a half-hour

She used her skills on the noble game, and brought back the prize in her power


However, when placing the horns on the Offers’ Pool, The Bones screeched and hissed

As the vibrations cut the air, her whole frame felt agony, the purest

Angeni had failed on her attempt, now she knew how she would pay the price

She recomposed herself and left, for the brown bear’s jaws as new sacrifice

In spite of the vicious battle she fought with it, that was not the answer

Nor was the wing bones of the sacred bald eagle, which she tried just after


Angeni was at her wit’s end and her body was at its dire limits

Trying to steady herself, she mulled in desperation for some minutes

In her insanity she took a measure abrupt, without self-control

Saying “I can’t choose accomplishment, but death, I can!”, tears began to roll

“Just take me and please may that be enough to save Elu!”, she’s in the Pool

Not knowing the spirits liked that, her rib cage flashed bright, she felt calm and cool


“...ElU iS cUrEd…” was then echoed and through the whole place that was spoken, heard

Followed by other ones, quite kind: “...ThE gReAsTeSt BoNe…HoUsEs ThE pUrE hEaRt…”

In later days, the great Bountiful Solstice was enjoyed thus fully

By all members of the tribe in joy happily and much, much truly

Elu included, the girl that’s so strong, pretty and very clever

And who in this merry day has never ever felt so better


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Comments

Prompt: Bones. This is a work of fiction, all events, locations and characters are works of the author's imagination and real life similarities are mere coincidences, no harm was intented upon any individuals or cultural elements.

A nice entry, with interesting form and classic plot. I find it sometimes hard to perceive with the rhythm and rhymes not always consistent, but nevertheless I enjoyed the story.

Thank you for your feedback!

Great work! I'm very impressed you were able to maintain a rhyme pattern and a relatively consistent rhythm throughout a piece of this length, all while providing an intriguing and trackable story.

As mentioned by someone else already, the rhythm in particular was quite difficult to follow at times, even upon going back and rereading. That being said, most pieces don't attempt to have a rhyme or rhythm in the first place, so it's not necessarily a bad thing, considering you self-imposed challenges upon yourself with this piece and still were able to get a more impressive piece out of this.

Great work creating a theme with the characters, actions, and objects used throughout the piece! I really got a vivid image of what's going on, what kind of culture this is, etc. with your writing, which is difficult to do in such a short period of time. Thanks for participating and stay tuned for winner announcements soon!

Thanks for your kind words, may the best piece wins!