A nice entry, with interesting form and classic plot. I find it sometimes hard to perceive with the rhythm and rhymes not always consistent, but nevertheless I enjoyed the story.
I will err again, but may my apology be swift and sincere.
My greatest dream is peace on Earth.
Age 30, Male
Brazil
Joined on 5/11/09
- Level:
- 21
- Exp Points:
- 4,752 / 4,900
- Exp Rank:
- 10,182
- Vote Power:
- 6.30 votes
- Rank:
- Police Officer
- Global Rank:
- 15,173
- Blams:
- 365
- Saves:
- 275
- B/P Bonus:
- 10%
- Whistle:
- Normal
- Trophies:
- 2
- Medals:
- 789
- Supporter:
- 1y 6m 26d
Comments
Thank you for your feedback!
Great work! I'm very impressed you were able to maintain a rhyme pattern and a relatively consistent rhythm throughout a piece of this length, all while providing an intriguing and trackable story.
As mentioned by someone else already, the rhythm in particular was quite difficult to follow at times, even upon going back and rereading. That being said, most pieces don't attempt to have a rhyme or rhythm in the first place, so it's not necessarily a bad thing, considering you self-imposed challenges upon yourself with this piece and still were able to get a more impressive piece out of this.
Great work creating a theme with the characters, actions, and objects used throughout the piece! I really got a vivid image of what's going on, what kind of culture this is, etc. with your writing, which is difficult to do in such a short period of time. Thanks for participating and stay tuned for winner announcements soon!
Thanks for your kind words, may the best piece wins!
Ferstofus
Prompt: Bones. This is a work of fiction, all events, locations and characters are works of the author's imagination and real life similarities are mere coincidences, no harm was intented upon any individuals or cultural elements.